Faith of a Father

About two years ago, I was struggling with the separation from my son due to the divorce I was going through. I had promised myself that I would be the father who would not let his son feel abandoned and I was doing everything I could to man up and fight for his rights. I had just dropped him off at church for his day at Parents Day Out at my church. It was the one thing I knew that was a consistent part of his life and they had already embraced him and my family. I was in tremendous pain and I was sitting with a friend and sharing that moment. I remember Amy looking at me with empathy and not knowing what to do for me. After several moments of listening to my pain she stopped me and asked me if I would close my eyes and try to visualize Jesus in that moment.

I had done this before, so I knew what she was trying to do for me. I did as she suggested and to her I started to cry even harder. I had a clear vision of Jesus in that moment. Amy noticed the change and asked me if He was sitting with me or if He was holding me. For a minute I could not answer and as the tears slowed I told her what I had seen.

I saw the class room where Will was that day. It was so clear to me that I thought I was standing at the door. The children were playing and doing crafts and I saw my son walking from table to table talking and playing with the others. I saw a figure sitting in the corner of the room. This figure was watching the kids play and he had this wonderful smile on his face. When I realized who this was,  the man turned and looking right at me spoke. What he said gives me chills to this day.

In a clear authoritative voice the figure said, "I can love him more than you or his mom can ever love him......Let me have this". He then turned back toward the room and I saw him begin to focus on Will and it felt like he was holding Will as Will played. It was one of the most peaceful moments I had ever experienced.


Genesis 22: 9-18

"When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an alter there and arranged wood on it. He bound his son Issac and laid him on the alter, on top of the wood. then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. but the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"

"Here I am," he replied.

"Do not lay a hand on the boy." he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took a ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called this place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided."

The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, "I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the sea shore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."

I wonder sometimes if God knew the outcome. Did He know that Abraham would choose by faith to listen? Abraham past history with his other son Ishmael tells us differently. He had a son with a servant woman because of doubt and lack of faith right? So why would this command be any different? In God's omniscience I believe God knows the choice we are going to make and it gets confusing to me when we talk about free choice in this context. But I think I understand now. This test was for Abraham. He had to realize the faith he had at this point in his life.

On the day I prayed fervently for my son's healing I remember asking for my ram. The resulting gift was not what I expected. He was healed but not in the way I thought. I offered my son up to God. I asked for the best outcome and God did provide that for me. My son received the ultimate healing. As for my ram, I have been given a peace that is beyond understanding. It has taken me a long time to understand God and His love for me and for others. Today I hurt for the plight of the world and all its brokenness. Today I want to make a difference. That is my ram.

I think it can be expressed best in the words of Wesley.

"God will provide himself a lamb - This was purely the Lord's doing: let it be recorded for the generations to come; that the Lord will see; he will always have his eyes upon his people in their straits, that he may come in with seasonable succour in the critical juncture. And that he will be seen, be seen in the mount, in the greatest perplexities of his people; he will not only manifest but magnify his wisdom, power and goodness in their deliverance. Where God sees and provides, he should be seen and praised. And perhaps it may refer to God manifest in the flesh."

Only God could have brought me this far in my walk. Only God could give me the comfort that I have. Only God can give me the motivation to reach out to others and find sustenance in doing so.

People everyday tell me that they are amazed at my faith and I am surprised when I hear that. I have been anything but faithful in my walk. God apparently knows otherwise and it took an act of faith to show me.

So I offered my son up to God out of love and an understanding that this was God loving him better than I could. God, in his love for me, is offering me comfort and peace that is beyond the humanly realm of understanding. Because of what I believe about myself I have a motivation that I have never had before. These are all gifts given out of grace.

Fab Holley, another friend of mine, pointed out that Jesus knew the impact that Peter would have on the church even after Peter had denied Jesus at the trial and Crucifixion. Jesus knew that Peter was to become a pillar in the church.

In spite of my denial of Jesus along the way and my disbelief in what he was doing in my life, I have the blessing of realizing that Jesus has always been working on me and through me. What that means is yet to be seen. I believe,however, that because of my son and my relationship with him and God's Son and my relationship with Him today, I have a mighty work in store for me in the Kingdom.