Dancing in the Storm

I love the Fall. I love the smell of wet leaves and fires, real wood fires, burning in fireplaces. I love the shorter days and the warmth of houses as the lights start coming on around 7. I love the excitement around football season. I even like the horror movie season. I am not a big fan of Pumpkin Spice Latte, those who have been around me know I always drink quad shots of espresso, but I do like the way they smell and the ambiance of those packed into a Starbucks waiting to get their palate satisfied. Fall is and always has been my favorite time of the year.

I usually start reading Lord of the Rings during this time of the year. I have read the series at least 15 times in my life and when I am finished with school, I will continue that tradition. There is something so comforting about starting an adventure with a hobbit as my summer adventure ends. Fall to me is about tradition and recently I have had some pretty big changes in my life. Some good, some pretty bad and yet when this time of the year rolls around something always calls me back to good memories.

I had a conversation with a very dear friend the other night. In fact we were up until 130 talking about the future and what it might hold. There are lots of questions about tomorrow for both of us as it seems we are both starting our lives all over again. That is a little scary sometimes and it reminds us that we have no real control over the future. I think we both realized that we need to take life very slow right now and to keep in mind that we are on a different kind of course than most people. It was a good honest conversation and I began to really think about things as I drove back to Wilmore.

One thing that has really hit me this week is how thankful I am that God has me at Asbury this year. I am really missing Will and this season is going to be especially hard. This time last year was very special as we had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together. Prior to the final divorce decree our time together was very limited. When we finally got the father/son time awarded us, I made it a priority to really focus on him and we had a lot of fun together. There were bonfires and festivals. There were trips to Halloween Express and lots of Scooby Doo movies. We spent the shorter nights reading together and I got to spend Halloween with him. That was his favorite holiday and I still can see his picture in his pink power ranger costume. Never was a fan of that and I bought him a Red Power Ranger costume and he wore it almost continuously. It was a wonderful time and I really got the opportunity to establish my role as his father. I am so very thankful for that time.

This is not Will but it is Will's  costume. His name is Shafy and he is the same age as Will. He loves the Power Rangers as well and this is a reminder that life goes on and the blessings return in unexpected ways.

Asbury is offering me a haven from all those memories of time with Will at home. This is my time to heal and I am sure that God called me here to eliminate that distraction. I kept wondering why the call to come here was so strong, especially since I have so many things I am getting involved in at home. The conversation I noted earlier and my continued thinking about where this ministry is going really hammered me about purpose and direction this week. Again being at Asbury this year is offering a very focused time to spend with God, in a way I can't begin to describe. I am not only getting the chance to develop mentally but also to recover my Spiritual and Physical life components as well. What a blessing to be in a place where God is so present and to be in deep conversation with him.

This week has been another tough week academically and my brain is turning to mush faster and faster as the semester progresses. I have started to take walks when my brain starts to shut down. Today after three hours of reading an ancient writing and trying to decipher the authors understanding of the Incarnation, I decided it was time to take a break. I started along my usual path. Today it felt like fall. I even caught the whiff of a fireplace burning. The sky was overcast. The wind was blowing cold and you could feel the world slowing down. My thoughts went straight to Will but it was comforting and I was really enjoying the walk. About 1/3 of the way on my course it started to rain, light and drizzly. I thought about turning back but I remembered that one of the reasons I was here was to push past all this pain and discouragement and finish what I started. I took this thought on my walk with an attitude of dedication.

When I made it half way, the rain and the wind were picking up and now I had no choice. I was half way home in either direction and I trudged on beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. By the time I could see the campus it was a torrential downpour. The temperature was dropping and the wind was picking up. It hit me that this is indicative of so many things in my life and I started to laugh. God brought me here to spend time with Him and to face challenges I had never faced successfully by myself. I had started out to clear my brain and ended up on a grand adventure with God and it only took a couple of miles. I realized as uncomfortable as I felt at times, this was a wonderful time and I am grateful for this experience.

The rain was apparently so bad that a man in a pickup truck actually offered me a ride. Yes, he was very kind to offer and I can only imagine his thoughts when I looked up and said, "No thank you, I am actually enjoying myself. I could not help but laugh and smile all the way back to my dorm. I was dancing in the rain in my heart and I felt the Holy Spirit settle on my soul as I trudged forward. My body was still uncomfortable but my Spirit was alive.

Everything is going to work out, God has this and I am grateful for His presence in my life. By the time I got back to the dorm I was soaked but the rain had stopped. I took a warm shower and the decided to tell my friends about the experience. All this and I still I still have time to work on that paper and then worship God tonight........I am loving life even if I hurt sometimes.